I've been a (little) busy, just a little, and as lazy as this sounds I haven't had the "energy" (excuses, excuses) to jog down to my library. You're reading this and thinking, now why does that girl need spend the rest of her life at the library? I'll answer that for you.. I don't. But, as nerdy and un-adventurous as this sounds, I love to read.. When I tell guys that I wonder why suddenly their side of the conversation looses interest? Well, anyway I love to read. And besides that (I'm so embarrassed) I'm the only 15 year old who does not currently own an iPhone. First off, I'm not Amish. But I do think it may just be a little vain to invest that much money into something sorta kinda trivial. I mean, at the same time every one needs a phone but I shouldn't blow my whole paycheck on it (which while I'm blabbing on the subject of spending I will confess I've been doing a lot of spending and I know I shouldn't. But hey, I tithe. That counts too you know!) I am planning on saving some major dollars right before school starts and then buying a phone but before then I need to find a good cause to give to. Then I can indulge in my pool of selfish-ness.
So back to my selfish life and all that as occurred. I've been thinking more about life as I always do (don't get me wrong I'm not going all poetic or anything, not that's it's not awesome...) and I always find myself back where I started on the worst possible subject of all: boys. Last night my sisiter and I were up super late talking about the boys we like (and by the way, I'm not a flirt!) and then I woke up early this morning and couldn't go back to bed, partially because I had to go to the school and finish up those loveley tests that all homeschoolers get to take. So all day long I kept thinking, why and how did I get there? How did I? I mean, they have cooties right? Why should I think of cooties all day long? I can tell you this right now: I am not not not boy crazy. Ew! I know where that can get me, or anyone, and it's not a fun place. Here's the thing, though: when everyone else is dating, you feel like you need to also. I was chatting with one of my friends on this wonderful subject and she brought us some important points I feel need to be recognized. First off, when your bff has a boyfriend and all your friends do, you may slowly begin to feel like there's something wrong with you. This is especially true if you're insecure. And I know anyone (even the boy I like, although I seriously doubt it considering he doesn't pay me the time of day so let's cross our fingers he is not reading this) out there in the world can see this, even though my blog is not very popular and I have comment moderation and all that... but I used to be really really insecure about myself. I used to think that I wasn't pretty and my weight was an issue. And until you feel comfortable with yourself, I don't care if the most attractive guy in the world calls you beautiful, you won't really feel that way. Even though all my friends call me thin I felt self-conscious. And I slowly started easing into that materialistic life-style that was so full of worldly stuff just so I'd "fit in". Now I'm like what the heck? Girls, don't be like that. Ever ever every ever. You don't need a boy to make you feel beautiful. I lost sight of what was actually important and that is the Lord. He always needs to be the first One in my life. Here is the deal, maybe dating isn't such a great thing after all. I'm not a church-nerd or Amish (by the way, Amish life-styles are actually very cool) and you don't have to be. You also don't need to memorize every Bible verse so God will love you. I seriously forgot that Jesus loves me more than anyone anyone anyone ever will and I don't know why but He accepts this sinner sinful girl for me. But just think about this for a second: what's the pointe of going crazy over someone who could drop you any second? Then I have to crawl to Jesus on my hands and knees like I always do and beg for forgiveness (that's what being a sinner and forgiveness is all about) because all the while I
So now I have made what some have called a "mature" decision although I just think of it as another step in life that I have to take, to stop focusing on boys! I can't let myself get so caught up