Thursday, August 1, 2013

Boys and other over-rated topics

So, one might ask what has been going on in the life of Kat? Well, as you certainly can see I am one  devout blogger as my last postie  was sometime lost away  LAST MONTH. *shakes head and does dramatic sigh*.
I've been a (little) busy, just a little, and as lazy as this sounds I haven't had the "energy" (excuses, excuses) to jog down to my library. You're reading this and thinking, now why does that girl need spend the rest of her life at the library? I'll answer that for you.. I don't. But, as nerdy and un-adventurous as this sounds, I love to read.. When I tell guys that I wonder why suddenly their side of the conversation looses interest? Well, anyway I love to read. And besides that (I'm so embarrassed) I'm the only 15 year old who does not currently own an iPhone. First off, I'm not Amish. But I do think it may just be a little vain to invest that much money into something sorta kinda trivial. I mean, at the same time every one needs a phone but I shouldn't blow my whole paycheck on it (which while I'm blabbing on the subject of spending I will confess I've been doing a lot of spending and I know I shouldn't. But hey, I tithe. That counts too you know!) I am planning on saving some major dollars right before school starts and then buying a phone but before then I need to find a good cause to give to. Then I can indulge in my pool of selfish-ness.
So back to my selfish life and all that as occurred. I've been thinking more about life as I always do (don't get me wrong I'm not going all poetic or anything, not that's it's not awesome...) and I always find myself back where I started on the worst possible subject of all: boys.  Last night my sisiter and I were up super late talking about the boys we like (and by the way, I'm not a flirt!) and then I woke up early this morning and couldn't go back to bed, partially because I had to go to the school and finish up those loveley tests that all homeschoolers get to take. So all day long I kept thinking, why and how did I get there? How did I? I mean, they have cooties right? Why should I think of cooties all day long? I can tell you this right now: I am not not not boy crazy. Ew! I know where that can get me, or anyone, and it's not a fun place. Here's the thing, though: when everyone else is dating, you feel like you need to also. I was chatting with one of my friends on this wonderful subject and she brought us some important points I feel need to be recognized. First off, when your bff has a boyfriend and all your friends do, you may slowly begin to feel like there's something wrong with you. This is especially true if you're insecure. And I know anyone (even the boy I like, although I seriously doubt it considering he doesn't pay me the time of day so let's cross our fingers he is not reading this) out there in the world can see this, even though my blog is not very popular and I have comment moderation and all that... but I used to be really really insecure about myself. I used to think that I wasn't pretty and my weight was an issue. And until you feel comfortable with yourself, I don't care if the most attractive guy in the world calls you beautiful, you won't really feel that way. Even though all my friends call me thin I felt self-conscious. And I slowly started easing into that  materialistic life-style that was so full of worldly stuff just so I'd "fit in". Now I'm like what the heck? Girls, don't be like that. Ever ever every ever. You don't need a boy to make you feel beautiful. I lost sight of what was actually important and that is the Lord. He always needs to be the first One in my life. Here is the deal, maybe dating isn't such a great thing after all. I'm not a church-nerd or Amish (by the way, Amish life-styles are actually very cool) and you don't have to be. You also don't need to memorize every Bible verse so God will love you. I seriously forgot that Jesus loves me more than anyone anyone anyone ever will and I don't know why but He accepts this sinner sinful girl for me. But just think about this for a second: what's the pointe of going crazy over someone who could drop you any second? Then I have to crawl to Jesus  on my hands and knees like I always do and beg for forgiveness (that's what being a sinner and forgiveness is all about) because all the while I ignorned Him. What was wrong with me? And of all people in the world, I do not deserve His forgiveness. I am going to share something very personal and it's not about confessing I'm pregnant or anything crazy (by the way, I am NOT just for clarification). There was this one guy who I didn't think was all that cute at first. I'm not judgemental unless it's about myself, but for me a guy has to have a really good heart, love God obviously! and be cute. That is what counts for me. So I didn't like him at first but over time I realized I had developed this terribly big crush on him and this is defiantly stuff I should only talk about in my diary! But the thing is whenever I was around him I would get really nervous and I'd literally shut my mouth because I didn't know what to say. I'm going to be myself and the big thing with me is I'm kind of geeky. I don't have braces (and I'm not about to say that's a stereo-typical trait of geeks or nerds) but I'm such a huge cat person. Don't think crazy cat lady. Do think cat-blogger. I didn't think that he would like me because of that, and I'm probably right. Never the less, I did what a girl has to do and I started going over-board. That's when Jesus slapped me in the face and was like "my daughter is not going to be boy crazy!". Jesus showed me that I was so very caught up with boys and other trivial things, I lost sight of Him. Believe it or not, but even though I was rejecting my Dad He was still ready to pick me up and give me a big hug that I needed so bad! Jesus pointed out to me so many things I just don't have time to blab on and on about but it's seriously so very important! We judge ourselves to the extremes just for a boy? And I bet you right now he didn't even realize any of that and he'd be so creeped out if he knew! because that's how boys are. And there are some guys out there who are like that.  So why should I change who I am just so I could gain acceptance? Hey, the way I look at it, we're all human so I don't care if you are "cool" among your friends; perhaps you are a cool person but I think every one in this world has their own gift. Always love yourself before you expect to receive love from others; you don't need a boy to tell you you're pretty! always Love Jesus first. And most importantly, keep that relationship with Jesus soo soo close and ever so tight don't let Him go! Jesus won't let you go I promise you that.
So now I have made what some have called a "mature" decision although I just think of it as another step in life that I have to take, to stop focusing on boys!  I can't let myself get so caught up thinking about boys(some times I do though! it's okay that's just a sign of being human) because that cute boy may not even care about you, and even if he did, Jesus still needs to be first! I'm never going to do that again. Ever ever ever. I've realized only recently how very easy it is for me to forget about God and I'm so ashamed to say that! I'm never going to let that happen again! I just don't want to be that kind of girl who only talks about cute boys and cute clothes (not that any of that stuff is necessarily bad) because my life needs to have meaning! Lastly, I've been waiting around for some guy when Jesus loves me so much He died for me! I already found my guy.